1. Dye Brandon Weeden's hair – No 30 year old ginger
is going to lead any team to the promise land.
Dye the boy’s hair black and give him a bottle of self tanner so he can
compete in this league. Think about it,
who was the last ginger to win at 30?
2. Trade Jim Brown to Baltimore – The Curse of Jim
Brown does exist, I don’t care what you think. I need him out of town so the Browns can get
down to business and start winning again. Maybe we can get a couple crab cakes in
exchange.
3. Slip adderall into Buster Skrine’s Gatorade –
How do you think Joe Haden got so good?
It’s obviously the way to go and when he gets suspended we can dip Chris
Owens Popsicle in liquid adderall. Win
win.
On a serious note, the only way the Browns
win this game is if Brandon Weeden’s primary target is open 90% of the pass
plays. He has no chance of success if he
can’t go through his progressions and he hasn’t shown that he is capable of
doing so. Another key point is getting
the ball in Trent Richardson’s hands more than 13 times, this offense should
key around him. It also keeps the ball
out of Weeden’s hands and that can’t hurt our chances.
As far as the defense goes, I have little
to no worries. The D-line should control
the line of scrimmage and since Joe Flacco’s greediness forced Baltimore to let
Anquan Boldin go, I think the Browns secondary can handle the receivers. Joe Haden shuts down Torrey Smith and the
other bum receivers can run around playing patty cake with Chris Owens and
Buster Skrine, it’ll be fun to watch.
Prediction:
I get drunk
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